Dont you dare >.< I know your flaky

If you know your not going to feel like doing it,
Dont dare tell me you will and try to get my hopes up,
Becaues we went through this before,
And I already knew you wernt gonna do it,
So dont even try to get my frikken hopes up.

I am Stressed

Every time I comb my hair
There is hair on the comb
Even when I didn't go through nots
My hair is probably falling out
It's probably why its growing so slow
I don't want to admit it
But you stress me out
I worry about you
I am afraid for you
I used to be scared of you
But I grew older
Now I know better
Why should I be scared
When obviously your unstable
I cant take this
I cant live this, here
I love you
But there is other things
I should worry about,
Stress about
Like school
Life
I cant focus around you
So I'm leaving in February or May
I'm sorry
I'll visit because I still love you
But it's getting to a point where I'm depressed

Depression

Nobody understands it
How it feels
Except those who had have it
It's that numb feeling
That almost never going away
You think
" Well that's not that bad"
But you don't know
You don't feel anything
Half the time you don't register your surroundings
You only listen to half of what people say
If you feel anything its either
Anger
Sorrow
Frustration
You stop doing things you love
Or normally do
You shut youself from everything
You want to escape
I read books, to be in someone else's shoes
You start only thinking bad things
You have no hope
You start not caring about things
You think about suicide
you think how precis it must be
I would have tried it
But 2 things kept me from that decision
1. I had awesome friends,
2. My mom told me that people who commit suicide go to hell
That was when i believed in her and religion.

Best Buddeh, We will Escape

Lil Purple Kitty
You are not alone
I understand
We are both in cages, prisons
We must have hope
We must believe
Even if it doesn't seem
That we will escape
There is a hole
Between the bars
If it's not big enough
Then we will make it grow bigger
Even if it takes time
We will escape

I am Strong

I need my eyes open
I need to pay attention
I need to open my ears
I need to listen carefully
If i do these things
It will keep that numb feeling away
I don't need to cut
I don't need to bleed
I don't need to scream
I don't need to hit
I don't need to hurt somebody
Or even myself
Because I am strong
I will stand tall
I will have my chin up.
I will laugh
I will smile all the damn time
Because i am strong
even if i cry
Even if i cry myself to sleep
Because I am still strong
I will stand tall
I will laugh
I will have my chin up
I will smile all the damn time
Without It being forced
Because I am strong

How much longer?

Prison
That's what i sometimes think,
When i come home.
What was my sentence?
What did i do to deserve this?
I don't remember
Probably from being sentenced here
after all these years
When was the last time
I went through a day
And nothing wrong happened?
I don't remember
After all these years
Serving my sentence
How much longer?
Do i serve my sentence
When is it over?
Maybe in February or May
That's all I have, and a few other things,
Hope,
Friends,
My dad,
I will get through this.
With the help of those three things
I'll see you
When my sentence is over.
Unless you want to help me through this
But I will see you
And I will be strong when I do

Fake, Real, or What?

Sometimes I wonder,
Which is fake?
The love or the hate?
If the hate is really not at me,
But i just get the aftermath
And if it shadows the love?

Prison

I can practical see the bars
That keep me inside
There is a hole
But is it big enough to go through?
There is yelling,
There used to be hitting,
There is anger,
There is sorrow,
Why am I surrounded?
By all these things?
I feel like I'm suffocating.
I feel like I'm drowning,
in all these hurt feelings
Anger,
Sorrow,
Hatred,
Regret,
Fake happiness,
Fake love,
Fake hatred,
I'm suffocating,
I'm drowning,
I am barely breathing,
Why am i breathing?

I'll Be Ready

I see different versions of how my life could be,
Would be,
Will be
They are all so good
I just have to get away first.
So i can focus on the things,
I need to do
To be happy,
To make some of those versions come true.
So I cant wait till February
But ill even wait till May
I'll even get ready,
Cuz this will be the turn of my life,
I will be ready
I'll even welcome it with open arms
I will be waiting ,
I will be ready,
I will have my arms open,
I will forever be happy.

Why?

Why is my home more like a personal prison?
Why do i feel most threaten here?
Why do i still stand?
Still fight,
Still stay alive,
Still live through this?
I don't know why.
Maybe it's cuz i want to be strong.
For my friends,
For my dad,
For my brother,
For myself.

Won't Let That Day Come

I don't know why,
I don't know why i still love you,
After everything you did, to me, to others,
After everything i see in you,
After every hit i took, After all the times i forgave you,
When will it be the day,
When i cant forgive you anymore?
I don't want that day,
I dread it,
I hate it,
I'm even going to try to prevent it,
That's why February,
I am leaving you.
I will visit when i want to.
But until then,
I'll do my best to ignore you,
Ignore the bad things,
Because i know its not really your fault,
Or at least most of it,
That you hurt me,
That you yell at me,
That you judge me,
That you assume i do the same to you,
Trust me,
I wont let that day come,
The day  that i stop forgiving,
Even if i have to ignore you until I'm gone.